we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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