I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
