I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
