I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Floor bacon is actually really good
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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