Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
