i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
