I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize