just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
