based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
