The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's never too late to be topless.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
