I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
