I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
