Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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