And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
