So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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