i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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