pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
should my penis look like a turkey
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
