My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
