he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
