"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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