my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
