it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
