I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
