how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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