Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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