so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
