I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
