my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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