Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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