Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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