mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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