O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
