so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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