Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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