Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
