im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
