i would punch a child for taco bell
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
