according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize