a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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