Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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