she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
