i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The uberlube is also flammable
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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