I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
