dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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