I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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