he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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