i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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