She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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