i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
