I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
