You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
