I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize