I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
