She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
