saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
