sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
