just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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