Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
