the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
