Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
