dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize