I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
