it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
