Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
