I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
