I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
