So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
