I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
