I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
