I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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