Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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