Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
