I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
