wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
