My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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