I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
