put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Someone shit on the floor
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
