hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
