Just fell off a train. Bad.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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